I hate your face
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
