Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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