he shaved USA in his pubs
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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