3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
