Swine flu. Run for my life!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
