life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
