your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
