Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
