there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
