Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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