I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
