mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This is my gift to your gina
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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