They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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