I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Screwed.edu
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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