Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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