All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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