He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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