if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
