wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
