Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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