We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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