Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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