I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
