i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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