Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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