hell yes lets make some ravioli
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
