I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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