Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
