We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
