Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We got so high we made milksteak
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
