haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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