Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
