I'm gonna have a badass scar
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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