you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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