ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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