We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
