So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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