She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
