This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
