ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
