Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
