Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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