there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
