My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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