why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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