i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
