6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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