I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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