it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
