she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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